Monday, December 31, 2007

Motherhood = No Proofreading.

I just reread my Christmas post and was amazed at my capacity to forget to commit to only one point of view. Quite honestly I suprised myself that I had the attention span to write for longer than 30 seconds right now let alone write coherently.
Shall we move on? Here is proof that not only do I make great baby (with help of course) but I can knit and be a mom as well. I'm particularly proud that I managed to knit something that required any amount of attention. A series of finished projects to end the year:
Witness the gifting of the endpaper mittens. Liz was very excited about finally receiving them.
Some Fetching as modelled by Liz. The perfect stroller pushing accessories. The picture was taken on the fly while riding a two horse open sleigh. Some baby booties made from some left over gifted Socks That Rock. The pattern is from Cat Bordhi's: New Pathways for Sock Knitters, Book One - Charlie's Seeded Heart Socks. I'm working my way through this book chapter by chapter so as not to miss anything.
Man socks! Big Feet!
Can you see the cables? Sleeves for the Robin Hood Spring cabled jacket for Fenner from this book by Zoe Mellor. CUTE!
Fenner got this party hat from her Grandma Gemmill. Have a happy New Year!!
May the first day of 2006 be spent napping in a basket of kidsilk, wrapped in a handknit blanket being protected by a homemade toy.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Fenner's First Christmas and 2 month birthday

Fenner had her stage debut playing little baby Jesus at a church pageant last week. She howled as though she were being beaten by the angel Gabriel and the second she was on stage she was glorious.
It was the first time that she was crying and I couldn't get at her - the sensation was not unlike peeling my skin off.
We went sleighriding with our whole family and you were the youngest kid *ever* to go. You didn't seem to mind and enjoyed being in your sling napping while we enjoyed horse smells and the great outdoors.
Santa came to our house for to bring lots of loot for you for the first time. It was a quiet Christmas this year and full of love for all of the blessings of the year.

I can't believe how big she's grown already. I'm ready for her to stop and take a breath so that I can soak it all in.
She's laughing now and it is the sound and feel of all that is good in the world.
It is all good.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Scheduling or Only Fools Rush In.

So Fenner slept til 10:00 am this morning. Like a dream. She wakes up during the night to feed but I'm not sure how often as I never truly wake up. We start the dance together and then I check out.

J and I have slipped into a pretty good semi-routine during the work week. Ladies keep your hands off of him. Here it is:

When J gets home from work he gets some happy baby time right before arsenic hour/happy hour sets in. After dinner while Fenner has a nap we do the dishes together - this is the rule that is as definite as we get right now. No one does the dishes by themselves, primarily this gets both of us off the hook after our work days.

Laundry - I'll do a load or two a day just so that we don't have to spend our co-parenting time on the weekend doing it but Jason always puts it away. Cooking - We're still trying to figure out how to cook full meals with a baby. I just can't wrap my head around it - I suspect listening to her cry while I do it may be in the cards. Unappealing - I admit, I am a pansy for the crying.

J does most of the other household tasks ie: mopping and cleaning. My job is to be out of the house with Fenner (stitch and bitch here we come)

Before we figured out this "babies can sleep alone" business (noone said we were smrt). J would take her for a least 30 minutes to an hour so that I could have a hot bath, a glass of wine and a book read every night. This is luxury of epic proportions and is reason alone for me to massage his very large feet every night.

We haven't had a chance to get used to being awake without Fenner yet since it only happened once. Tonight we were the guest parents at a pre-natal class. We told Fenner's birth story to close to a dozen knocked up couples. I'm thinking that this is what is keeping me awake at 4:30, am still processing the epic adventure. The story and ensuing Q and A perios (yeah, that's right a QA period) took almost the whole class.

The midwife introduced us by saying that we were a great example of a birth that was nowhere near our birth plan. It was an interesting exercise in trying to describe the sensation of going off the deep end and coming out of it with an awesome baby...who is just waking up for a snicker snacker.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Car Picnic!

Fenner went on a car picnic with Nan and Granpa Hendriks today. It's a new car and she hadn't seen Granpa in far to long.

She wasn't too impressed with Granpa's theories on why the sky was blue. Granpa was impressed she'd grown enough to have opinions.

In other news she is asleep by herself right this very minute!!! I put her to bed at 8:00 and she's still effing asleep! Am currently exploding with delight which means that this may not occur again or that she may decide to wake up before 9:00 am.

Am in the throes of suspense. Will keep you posted.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

I'm eating my words and they taste like mueslix

So week 4 kicked in and true to all the pro-Mommies words....Fenner stopped sleeping all the time. To balance out the shock to my system that all this awake time has caused...Fenner has also started to laugh which is like crack to me. I love it.

Time started to fly at around the same time which my dad reminded me of when he called from the airport last night to remind me that it had been a week and a half since I'd posted.

This post is brought to you by the letter J as in Jason who was out with Fenner on their first independant adventure FOR TWO HOURS. So I got some work done and now can write while she naps...
Fenner had her first playdate with Leo.
She can use her Bumbo (THANKS AL AND MEGS!) I'm a little wary of using it too much just yet but her first trip was a lot of fun for her.
And is swathed in wool as much as possible.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

What do you mean it's Saturday?

You'll love this Rams. Based on Fenner's awesome sleeping, last week I called my boss and told her that I'd like to start working again. Just a couple of hours a day say 10 to 20 a week enough to keep my brain from turning fully into mush

Clearly it was time for me to meet the Fates face to face because approximately 2 minutes after I hung up the phone Fenner woke up and stopped sleeping during the day for longer than 30 minutes at a time. Until Friday night after a day of spending time lounging on a beautiful new sheepskin from Lismore Sheep Farm at the Purple Purl being snuggled by le Den she slept from 6:30 pm to 9:00 pm and 9:30 pm to midnight and then midnight to 6:00 am.

She is currently sleeping like a dream right now. I have learned another lesson. I shall not plan life based on what we're doing right now, clearly, things will change and thusly so will I.

In other more victorious news. Winter arrived in Toronto last week! On Thursday it was snowing and cold - I felt like every trip out of the house was training for that day. We not only got out of the house but we went to yoga where I actually flexed a muscle and stretched a couple more. I met mothers that were the same crazy that I am - it felt like we had climbed Mt. Kilamanjaro.

Then on Friday when it was -20 C with wind chill - WE WENT FOR A WALK and spent the whole day out of the house. I am mother hear me roar!

Monday, November 19, 2007

So this is what you meant..

Something happened today. This beautiful picture is of a time when the perfect baby slept for a minimum of 3 hours at a time.

Actually, she's still perfect - I'm exhausted today due to a sudden engagement of ye olde cluster feeding that Fenner engaged in today. I actually don't mind the cluster feeding I think it's pretty cool natural engineering it's the prolactin high that cripples me into exhaustion.

Ah, prolactin.

On a completely different note I've recently become the owner of a sewing machine and am giddy to learn to quilt. Allison blogged about a quilt kit that she'd bought online but Kelly doesn't have any more kits for sale. I'm looking for a 'beginner' level quilting kit to cut my teeth on. Anyone got any recommendations? Right now, I'm just googling away..

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Fooled you!

I bet it's hard to believe that this isn't going to be a post about the spectacular baby in my arms. I can't blame you but before I do start writing about how super fantastische she is I'd like to draw your attention to the iridescent sweater that I am wearing.

You may recognize this sweater from here. While Alexis (the model) has cornered the market on spectacular boots and overall Sass - Fenner is *the* perfect enhancement for the beauty that is this sweater.

Way back when I was almost 42 weeks pregnant Laura brought Roam to our Stitch and Bitch and kindly let me try it on - over my enormous belly and it fit and I fell in love with it. Even through my frustrated impotent overly pregnant rage I found some positive love deep within me and gave it to the sweater.

Well, at the last stitch and bitch Laura gave it to me as a "I can't believe you're on the flipside" gift. I will be following Rachel's Thermal lead (read the Editor's note at the bottom) by donating to Knitters Without Borders in an attempt to pay it forward.

In the meantime, I haven't taken it off and Fenner loves to sleep against it when we're out for a walk and she's in the sling.

We are blessed.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Godmother of Art and Culture

Today le Bean and I did Mom and Tots Yoga. Well, to be fair, my only goal was to try and do some deep breathing. Since the birth it's been hard to engage my abdomen and I figure the best way to start without overdoing it is....take it back to the basics.

So we hung out with some alpha mommies and did some breathing. I did some stretching but certainly nothing compared to pre pregnancy yoga practise. It will come.

To the mother that mentioned to me over coffee afterwards that the sound of a baby choking is silent I say: Fuck you. These are things I know but did not need to hear. Jesus.

Then we went to see my Uncle David's piece at the Ontario Craft Council Gallery...or to show off our recently finished project to my Aunt, Godmother and kindred spirit. Meet my Aunt Sally - Stainglass Artist, Quilter, Folk Artist, and baby whisperer extraordinaire.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Triumverate is finally complete

Fenner and I went to our first stitch and bitch tonight. It was divine....not just because of the delicious Guiness but the company.

Laura gave me a "Congrats on getting that baby out!" gift that is deserving of it's own post.

The Triumverate was complete! How great are these babies!!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Went for a walk with the mango.

God this must be boring for folks with no interest in babies. I can't help myself. Everyday gets better and better!

In preparation for flying solo to stitch and bitch Fenner and I took our Mango Baby out for a test drive. It was a fabulous day outside and we walked the neighborhood for a full hour - ran some errands at the hardware store, checked out the mom and tots yoga class and got some info on the local community centre.

It's nice to feel human again. Here's one for the photo album. My family hanging out and talking about their day after dinner.
In case you were wondering if I am still working with the sticks and strings. I also fixed the drive band on my new/old spinning wheel and am currently enjoying a fulfilling relationship with Cat Bordhi's mindblowing new sock book and some keepsake Fleece Artist yarn in the Baadeck Summer colourway that I got while on vacation with J last year.

Am in the middle of a cajillion other wips but the socks...I can't stop with the socks.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Note to self

Stop googling images of baby skin issues like diaper rashes. In fact, stop looking up any baby illness.

Jason came downstairs to find me weeping in my tea for all the poor baby butts - my hormonal heart broken.

Have applied obscene amount of Penaten to Fenner's not chafed at all but and am going to bed to snuggle her brains out.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Safe in the hands of the Knitters

We went out! Socially! With other grown ups!

Jason helped Fenner and I go meet the knitters - it was our first trip on the TTC with the stroller. I don't think any stroller is manageable for one woman on a streetcar.


Ah, hormones..... what was I writing about? Ah, in the hands of knitters, Fenner.

What I'm really looking forward to is regaining the ability to hold a conversation for more than a couple of minutes . As it was I was rendered a babbling bubble brain by all the knitters in the room. Cornelia Tuttle Hamilton, Julia and their mysterious cohort in a beautiful sweater were very patient and understanding with my lack of conversational ability.

Besides which - Fenner can distract even the most conversational of adults. She's that great. Am looking forward to stitch and bitch on Wednesday, mostly for the opportunity to distract all the other right thinking adults with my awesome baby because lord knows I'm not the best at finishing a complete thoug...

Where was I? I can't remember - happy Saturday everybody!

Friday, November 09, 2007

We sprung ourselves!

Signs and indications that I might be a first time mother on her first solo flight:

a) I packed travel sized everything in the diaper bag...including a travel sized bottle of shampoo(you never know when an emergency bath is necessary) but did not have kleenex to deal with a giant spit up occurring 2 seconds after our exit from the house.

Not to worry my fine friends - it's amazing how much barf a disposable breast pad can soak up in a pinch! I'm MacGyver with a uterus - much more practical

b) I waited until Fenner was finished her nap before leaving. It just seemed smart and knit efficient to let her sleep it out. Then I started this the way it's supposed to work for the rest of my life?!?! Enter a hormone induced panic attack before I pulled myself together to realize that I could in fact transport a napping baby and breastfeed at a friendly coffee shop if need be.

But I was enjoying the knit time and the CBC so I knit and waited for her to wake more knitting done today than I have in 2 weeks coincidentally.

c) Once she woke up I changed her, dressed her for the outside world and settled in for a feeding. 4 minutes later she made it loudly known that I shouldn 't have dressed her for the outside world after changing her because I needed to change her again.

This is for you Meghan!
Three hours after deciding that we would go for a walk today here we were almost out the door.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Isn't that just the way.

What a great day and a half with my sisters.

Those two are just life savers and snugglers extraordinaire. We snuggled Fenner's little brains out. Talked about boyfriends (theirs not mine), careers and family.

It was good for the soul.

The second they walked out the door Fenner decided to stop sleeping....or maybe I need to stop futzing every time she squeeks. So. Hard.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Moments from the past few days

To take some of the frustrated sad edge of the past two posts off, some beautiful family moments.
A Mimi in Mid-Plotz.Jason G: Father, Cat Lover, Cute Magnet.
FUN LOUD FUN AUNTIES!! My sisters came and saved our lives today. We had fun and lots of chats.You simply *must* try this Vintage Breastmilk; Full bodied, full flavoured, simply mana from the heavens. A Giant with his heart on his sleeve, Grandpa Gemmill.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Minor Setbacks

After feeling great for the past 3 or 4 days we suffered a minor set back last night here at Casa de Awesome Baby.

I 'A-Typed' myself back into bedrest for a couple of days. To be honest, I didn't even think I was doing all that much but my body....she is boss and she thinks otherwise.

At least the midwives are coming for a visit today so they can check me out. J had to take a sick day from work (fuck.) and we're thanking our lucky stars that my sisters will be here on Wednesday and Thursday.

My pity party last night was spectacular especially since it was seasoned with a dash of impotent rage induced temper tantrum. Pretty. At least some mileage was made on the alpaca bunting for Fenner, at this rate she'll fit it for a week before she grows out of it.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Am having a back later

My body has flipped me the bird and am newly incapacitated.

Here's a retarded recommendation to give a first time mother of a new born: Try not to walk around at all.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Stupid day job.

After a full month off, Jason is going back to work tomorrow. This was one of the clocks we had ticking in the back of our minds every day that Fenner went past her due date. The last week of her gestation was fraught with the debate about whose schedule took precedence.

While I was bedridden he brought 3 meals a day with 2 snacks up to me in bed - fruits, veggies and high fibre breads/cereals always. I've never eaten such balanced healthy meals. My only job was to breastfeed and snuggle our baby and his only priority was to enable me to do just that.

Our house is spotless, our clothes clean, I didn't change a single diaper until I was somewhat recovered and even though he made me laugh hard enough to worry about busting stitches, I didn't.

I know it's wrong and it's most probably due to a hormone rush of self pity right now...but I want a "do over" for the whole month. I want Jason not to take off for vacation until the due date or afterwards to start with...then there would be one less clock that we'd have to race when we went post dates.

I'm still not sure we made the right decisions throughout the course of the month but what I do know is that Fenner and I wouldn't be doing as well as we are right now if Jason hadn't been with us for at least the past week.

All this to say, I'm feeling pretty ok about going it alone this week. Our fridge is full of delicious food and casseroles from friends and family. My mom will be by tomorrow to help me out and my sisters will be by on Wednesday and Thursday to sub in as well. It doesn't take the burn off of the fact that Jason has to go back to the real world but it'll help us adjust.

We bought a lottery ticket tonight and we're hoping we win just so he can quit his job and enjoy happy baby time with a healed and healthy partner.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Four Generations of Stubborn Independance

Here we have four generations of the women in my family. In one place. All alive. All with opinions that cannot be disputed.

The cycle of life continues, welcome to the club Fenner. You already fit right right in.

Friday, November 02, 2007

The outside world...filled with lattes and fall weather

We went outside for the first time yesterday, Fenner's one week birthday. Man, it was awwesome. It's like we went into the hospital in summertime and came out of the fog and it was fall - the best season of the year. The Dark Horse is less than a block away and has spectacularly beautiful and delicious lattes.

Look! It's me! Outside! I'm wearing grown up clothes and clean underwear!!!!! This is also our new stroller. We love it. It's so light that even I could push it and I'm not my usual Herculean self as of late.

Fenner got dressed up for the occasion in her fave Punkin Hat and Smoking Jacket. The Punkin hat is made from a kit from Lettuce Knit out of the truly divine Dream in Colour and was a night's worth of knitting for the infant sized hat. The cardigan is out of Rowan All Season's Cotton and from Charmed Knits by Erika Knight, also a quick and adorable knit. The button's were vintage from Lettuce as well.

I loved the overall effect and it totally distracted a herd of mothers at the coffee shop from the fact that Fenner had no pants on...diapers, yes, blankets yes, but no pants. I was afraid of the mommy judgement...which I think was waylaid by the hat and sheer adorablility of the Pork Bun.

It's been prophesied by a random stranger named Mysterio that this child will be a Monkey Wrangler one day and judging by the size of her feet and hands - this is quite believable - we will keep you updated as to the progress of her training. This pic is for you Auntie E.

We had four generations of women in my house today so I'm knocked on my cottage cheesy ass. My Mimi who is at least 93 was rendered helpless in the face of another great-granddaughter. As she left she told Jason and I that we'd done magnificently.

Thank god I remembered the pants today.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

When nothing else works....bring in the handknits.

Thanks for all of your comments on our most spectacular of babies. I didn't know that many people read my ironically named blog..

We are over the moon with the "happy" to have her safe, healthy and on the outside. It brought me no small amount of satisfaction that she came out with both middle fingers flared at the doctors - pink and screaming with all the rage of someone woken up from a nap too soon. We all know what *that's* like. I'm writing her birthstory but it's taking awhile...not unlike her actual birth.

When we were growing up we would spend entire summers at our cottage with my Mom and usually random cousins from the States. My Mom was very strict about afternoon napping when we were up north.

I guess when you have at least four kids that span 10 years from oldest to youngest, napping is a survival requirement and like all herds of children we could wind ourselves up to the point of no return unless intervention was used and coincidentally our bedroom was up in the loft at the peak of our little wooden cottage.

I'm not sure if you've ever had the dubious pleasure of sleeping in a loft in the peak of summer but it is a hot dry heat that has the tranquilizing force of a dozen rhino darts. Mom would herd us up to the loft after lunch - I learned much later that the rule about not swimming after eating was made up just to facilitate the herding. INJUSTICE!

After being successfully confined to our fates we would spend 10 minutes whining about the injustice of it all, 15 minutes reading old school comic books and 1 hour sleeping the sleep of active sun kissed naturally tranquilized children. My cottage cousins may remember us being yanked back to home base in the middle of swimming fun before lunch not to be seen again until hours later with sheet wrinkles baked into our faces and ready to go.

I introduce you to the power of the handknit blanket or as we have taken to calling it - The Nuker. At this stage Fenner generally sleeps a minimum of 2 hours between feedings and is having no problem at all but every once in awhile she throws us for a loop and refuses to shut her beautiful perfect eyes...for those moments we enlist the a Nuker.

A Nuker is any handmade blanket - This particular model is a night time special, made by many hands of many women it has the perfect amount of warmth and weight so that the comfort it provides is unbeatable.

While it pays to understand the properties of the fibre used on the blanket to use it effectively the true power lies within it's creation - collaborative/coordinative effort, sheer force of will, ability to finish, pure affection for the the mother and as yet unborn Pork Bun.

To maximize the aforementioned qualities special attention to the fibre can be helpful. Plant fibres are versatile and lightweight - perfect for a mid-afternooner whereas animal fibres are the big guns used for night time desperation when I have emptied the breasts and she is ready to party.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Hard won battles.

Fenner Evelyn Louise Gemmill, October 25th 1:47 am. This picture was taken at 2:45 am.

For once the camera got the right shade of pink. We are so in love.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

So, we went on strike today.

We were supposed to meet with yet another doc at Mt. Sinai this morning when my midwife called me at 7:00 am and said: "You're not really into another round of induction are you?" to which my stubborn, bruised cervix assertively replied "No."

After meeting our midwife at her office for a non stress test (which showed once again that our baby is not under any stress), we took the rest of the day off to the Mac store....where we were almost woo'd by the land of Apple.

Dear lord, women this pregnant should not be allowed to play around with iPhoto and Photoshop. I can't be sure but there may be a picture of my enormous belly with my stretchmarks photoshopped to say "Bite Me!" left on one of the MacBooks - if you find the picture I'll give you my first born!

Nor should we be allowed to play with new shiny, pretty new 8 Gig Nanos...

Thank you all for the lovely thoughts. We're doing fine, the bubsy is great and our midwife is rocking our world. It's the rest of the world that we have to answer to that seem to be freaking out - there is one great OB that we worked with that is totally onside with us, we're trying to find out when he's on the floor again before we "re-engage".

It takes a lot of our very limited energy to cope with the hospital,stay positive and strong. The past day and a half have been spent replenishing both of our stores of patience, energy and faith in ourselves. It's been fabulous.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Forty Two and Four

This is the third time I've tried to write an update post for y'all. The other attempts came off as crazy....which is exactly where I am at.

Our baby is extremely well and firmly ensconsced in my extremely healthy uterus. It is not being bullied out before it's ready and quite frankly I truly respect it's ability to ignore the any and all peer pressure to leave the party.

Scorpio indeed.

Jason and I are exhausted and I'm a little too close to the crazy line for my own comfort but that's a result of being confined to a hospital for three days (more on that when it's not so fresh)

I have some tea and some cashmere that need attending to. Will let you know when/if le Pork Bun arrives.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Hot enough fer ya?

How about this weather eh?

Thanks so much for all the comments. I have to say that all of my hopes and wishes are coming true - Jason and I are having a little person with it's own mind and it's own agenda. I understand that the parenting of such people can be very difficult what with the questioning of authority, critical thinking and need for independance. Guess this is just a warm up for what's to come. Tough decisions and conversations.

Clearly, our baby will not be susceptable to peer pressure and other people's agendas. There is a little bit of sarcasm in this post but that's just due to being a little irritated with other grown ups.

We're going out for lunch with my parents and am looking forward to being a daughter not a mother one last time - I plan on being very demanding about snuggles and being mothered. Tonight Jason and I will be seeing Death at a Funeral (it was superseded by the castor oil) then we're going to a swanky wine bar for wine...mmm delicious wine!

It's a grown up night. See y'all on the flipside!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

She's a pounder that one

I placed a lot of importance on a lot of unimportant skillsets when I was growing up. One of the skills I had that I thought was super awesome was my ability to drink enormous quantities of both beer and hard liquor.

This sad superpower was made stronger by the year I spent living in Belgium where learning how to drink responsibly consisted of learning how to pour a proper draft at voetball fundraising events for the village team I played on. Let me just say that I could drink an out of work miner under the table when I got back to the land of Molson.

In retrospect, this was not so much a skill as an indication of an addictive personality and I'm certainly not proud of a lot the behaviours that I engaged in when I was 19. We're all lucky that I had great parents without whom I would not have gotten through those years as healthy as I am today.

Having said all that, I just did two shots of Fierce Grape Gatorade/ Castor Oil (recipe my own) with 2 ounce chasers of Diet Coke and didn't taste a thing. But *boy* do I feel fierce now!

I have compiled a list of all of the negotiating tools J and I have used to convince le Pork Bun to come out. Castor Oil is the Pitocin of the home birth world. I'm not super excited that it's come to this and have seriously debated it for the past week with Jason. I'll write more about my thoughts when I'm not a ticking time bomb of laxative.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Hey Laura;

It was great seeing you at the store today. Thanks for holding the sale bin bright orange Misty Alpaca yarn for me for the past couple of days. It's going to make a great baby sized pumpkin bunting bag that I plan on dressing le Pork Bun in on Halloween this year.

I didn't get the chance to tell you about the awesome Shiatsu massage I'd just had at the Shiatsu School of Canada. One of the negotiating tactics my midwife had recommended and our "big" induction project for the day (we have a couple every day). It was pretty amazing because at very specific pressure points the pork bun got very antsy and there was definitely resulting contractions...but not really enough to convince le Pork Bun to get a move on.

It's really good to know that if I need a cab quick you can pull a number out of your brain, dial it and have it arrive without any fuss or muss. It's also very handy to know that a cab from the store to my house is a mere 20 minutes and $15.00 away. You'd be a great first aider - not an ounce of panic!

I'm not sure if you realize this yet but no, I was not in labour - you got a brief look into what life has been like for the last 3 or 4 days for my husband though. Apparently the smaller my bladder get the more confusing sensations like water breakage can be.

While it would seem that there has been progress (labour in innumberable easy installments!!) there won't be a baby tonight. I really really wish I had though - what a great story that could have been!!!

Anyhoo, thanks again for the help and hopefully I won't see you tomorrow night.



Monday, October 15, 2007

Breathing...just breathing

Random thoughts:

1. If you're going to make a diet of spicy food eating out with equally crazy girlfriends makes your mouth hurt less. I had some big plans to start taking pictures of the random things we're doing to try and convince el buno to arrive. Dim Sum at King's Noodles, though delicious, did not help me produce my own little pork bun.

2. If you *must* do a walk in ultrasound every 72 hours - go as early as possible to ensure a less than 2 hour wait. We got Olga the crazy Russian ultrasound technician again this morning I did actually get in her grill about the accuracy of ultrasound estimated birth weights and the fact she thinks I have a "lazy" baby. I believe the words - it's not lazy it's independant came from my mouth.

3. I must have sleep without it, the crazy gets really difficult to reign in.

4. Midwives rock. I called them from the ultrasound lab desperate with fatigue and frustration and they met me a half an hour later at the office to talk about what we could do to gently persuade the pork bun to jump on the dim sum cart of life. Joyce was a little too happy that I was on the verge of tears just talking about about how healthy and comfy the baby is - I guess that this level of desperation is a good sign.

5. Permission to take Gravol. I got it. Just for the nights that there is no way sleep is coming and just one. Praise all that is holy and life preserving I just woke up from a five hour recovery sleep.

6. Knitting. Am doing a lot of really simple knitting. Tonight I will embark on finishing clue 4 of the Mystery Stole Project and at least one repeat of fair isle on my sisters birthday endpaper gloves. HAH!!!

7. Hanging out at Lettuce Knit is always good though getting difficult to tuck into out of the way corners I have no problem overstaying my welcome. I also picked up my retail therapy bag and all the fixin's to make the pork bun's first halloween costume.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I'm not losing my shit....I swear it.

Have just had brunch with close girlfriend and am feeling a little bit more civilized. Jason has gone out book shopping and for what I suspect might be some independant man time. We are planning to go to a birthday party tonight...mayhaps we can get him very very drunk - he deserves some goofing off time.

As I'm sure you've deduced, am still very pregnant. We had our weekly date with our midwife yesterday who insisted that we have an ultrasound prior to our meeting. The problem with that was that we didn't have enough notice to make an appointment so had to do a walk in.

THREE HOURS later we had an ultrasound upon which we scored 8/8 on all things placenta/baby/amniotic fluid which was good. I'm nominally annoyed that I'm still pregnant but from what I can understand this is part and parcel of being due not necessarily overdue. October 5th was the 40 week date from the first day after my last period. Not necessarily the day that I conceived.

I have to remind myself that our schedule and the bun's schedule are not the same thing. Especially when it is so healthy. The placenta is not passed it's prime (amnio fluid volume es muy bueno), fetal movements are great (while distinctly uncomfortable) and muscle tone, heart rate and breathing movements are all great.

Keep in mind I've been having contractions from around 7:00 or 8:00 pm to about midnight every night.

So, every morning after a night of sleeping like a feather, waking up every 1.5 hours to the feeling of soft and encouraging contractions - I wake up feeling much like Elaine from the previous post. If you haven't watched the clip do that right now. It makes me laugh because I swear to god it's what happens in my mind every fucking morning.

Jason is doing great under the pressure. Once he talks me down from the cliff of insanity we actually enjoy this honeymoon phase of our relationship it's been a great break from work and parenting and in 16 years I look forward to looking back at this time longingly.

But until then.....I really do feel like I'm about to reenact that scene from Aliens my belly is so tight.

Want to know how I am?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

And in other news...

Little Napoleon continues to dictate that he/she will not be joining us for another day. Instead of bringing you a beautiful baby I spent the day voting and delivering my ROE's to the HRDC to ensure that I have some semblance of an income in a few weeks. Yay, Income!!!

Jason and I enjoyed the Edward Gorey exhibit at the Lilith A Smith Library. I guess celebrating an author whose entire body of work would rival Edgar Allan Poe for dark comedy may not be the best way to convince our new bun to was satisfying nonetheless.

Then to stitch and bitch for a little bit of low cal knitting in the outside world. Good for the headspace. I don't think there's anything better than hooking up with the ladies outside of the house with a delicious Ideal Latte fondling the silk/alpaca blends. Mayhaps spicy dimsum

I finished the never ending Denmark Socks out of Opal superwash from Knitting On the Road. These were never. ending.

So now the Denmark socks are done, I've dealt with my maternity leave bureaucracy and we've voted. I expect Napoleon to show up any minute now.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Meanwhile inside the fibre trunk....

Since Lorraine was able to get me up and running on my new/old, as yet unnamed wheel, I decided to take the opportunity to look at blending and combing using the remnants of a bunch of different fleece artist merino fleeces. Then spinning it up on the new wheel. What better way to distract myself from other unfinished objects....

These came my way via thrummed mitten kits and from friends that had started handspindling them. The green is some Corriedale I'd picked up from Romni. The rest is a combo of merino and blue faces leicester fleece from Fleece Artist. I chose the pink purple, the bruise purple and the bright pink to play with. I had the image of a sunset fading to dark in my mind but having rarely spent time with combs never mind blending, I entered into the experience with no expectations.
It took a couple of goes before I got any semblance of a rhythmn down and I'm still trying to get the art of even blending down. The Joy of Handspinning website is a boon for folks like me who need visual teaching aids. I found the section on rolags particularly helpful. Once I finish about 6 rolags I spin them up since I'm doing them in groups of six with no real recipe for getting the colourways, there is quite a variation from rolag to rolag once they're spun up. Having said that, the overall colour scheme really does make me think of the last of a sunset in Northern Ontario.The wheel itself took a bit of getting used to but I'm amazed at how quickly she and I built up an understanding. I treadle slowly and she will still send twist my way at an astonishing rate. Lorraine explained it to me but most of the information seemed to escape me....something about wheel to flyer ratio??

No matter, I'm getting quite a bit of fluff prep and spinning done in the morning. I've been dreaming about doing a yoke sweater. With the sunset blend and some beautiful prizewinning Icelandic Ewe fleece I need to prep from last year's Royal Winter Fair. I haven't picked the design yet there's a lot out there....any suggestions?

On the topic of other tardy topics. Look what the generous and talented Jacquie gave us for the offspring. Am looking forward to doing a reprise of this picture...for her.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

40 weeks 2 days

The squatter seems to have become quite comfortable in the temporary home of my body and thusly is the first bun in the last 5 babies I know that is going to be late. I remind myself that this is not my schedule to control. We are at peace with this infernal waiting....I swear!

In the meantime, I met Zoe on Wednesday and what a beautiful little baby! The baker, Joyce is a powerhouse and is setting the bar pretty high for new moms everywhere. We've been inundated with unbelievable baby showers here at casa de overdue buns. My family, knowing that we have no space and tons of hand me downs started an RESP fund for our little one and generously threw a surprise party on our behalf.

My foodie Aunt and Uncle brought us frozen food (garden fresh pesto and tomatoes). I have a large and passionate family - there was much laughing, eating and hugging. We were rendered speechless and comatose by the generosity and smooches.

The entrance of J's parents rendered me a pile of overwhelmed mushiness and tears. We didn't think that we'd be seeing them before the baby came (if he/she ever does...hint hint hint) and Debbie in true knitterly glory, outdid herself.The family shower was followed the next day by a baby shower thrown for us by our urban family. More food, beautiful clothes, toys and, because Aviva recently had her second, she was able to give us a care package of all of those post-partum tools you need for one or two days and no more. Our plans to hunker down and recover won't be interrupted by trips to Shoppers for these items now.

Some of the other beautiful handknits came from Jill who made this beautiful baby jacket and though she is a bit bitter about the stripes. We love them. I too have been knitting - I just finished this baby hat based on this fun Knitty pattern. Nerdy and warm! Also, I finally finished a sister for Squarey, Irma, she's the good egg. She will be going to reside at my close friend Carolyn's home where she will be loved and adored.
I'm finding that my stamina at this stage is truly stinted and usually need a short nap or rest every 2 to 3 hours. After a long 9 hour day out and about I came home exhausted to find this scene waiting for me:

A gliding rocking chair that J and I saw almost a month ago and some wonderful books. We didn't buy the chair then because it just seemed crazy but neither of us has really stopped thinking about it. J rolled up all the change in our change jar and took a generous gift certificate my coworkers gave us and was able to buy the chair without dipping into our savings!

What a guy, eh?

In other news, in an effort to keep ourselves from going stir crazy we're celebrating Thanksgiving tonight - cooking and baking. Lorraine came over and my new wheel is good to go so I'll be combing and prepping some fibre and will be embarking on some fleece handpainting this week.

Must. Keep. Busy.

Sunday, September 30, 2007


Tonight I enjoyed the luxury of having the silent, clean, dark house to myself.

My partner in crime and home to my heart was out with his community of comedians before putting up his show. Enriching his life with the people that inspire him most in all of the ways that I could only dream of.

Our extremely thoughtful baby allowing us the luxury of one more day that we can think of only ourselves and meeting our own needs. I can't remember the last time I spent 2 hours lying in bed reading a book that I couldn't put down if I tried.

Then sobbing for almost an hour at the end of it because the protagonist reached the end of her rich, painful, full life naturally and without anger. The Red Tent. The luxury of female companionship. The luxury of a good cathartic cry without having to explain why or apologetically invading someone else's emotional comfort zone.

Oh hormones how I love you and the tension release you enable.

Tomorrow is the first weekday that we are not working and we are both looking forward to the time we have in our home - writing, spinning, knitting, reading....kicking each other's asses in cribbage. Oh's on!

I'm trying to tattoo this amazing guilt free feeling of nesting where we are not only allowed but expected to take the best care of ourselves possible to prepare for our new life as a family. How often do we let ourselves do this? Not enough.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A sign that it's time to stop hibernating

My horoscope from Wednesday, September 26 2007.

Support from those close to you, including friends, family, and the women
in your life give you confidence now. This is a good time to mend broken bridges
and alleviate problems in your home life.

I knew that I should have overcome my nap and fatigue and gone to stitch and bitch for what could be the last time in a while. Those ladies are good for the soul.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

And then there was one...

Go congratulate Ms. Mel on her beautiful new baby Liam Nathan! Looks like all the babies are politely keeping to their schedules (hopefully). J and I are counting the minutes until we're done work on Friday.

We're really hoping Gargalor follows the leads of the rest of the triumverate and gives us a week before joining the party on or after the due date. A week off of work before becoming exhausted new parents is a lot like porn to me right now.

Last weekend we fell into baby shower after baby shower so there is a long mushy post about all the festivities in the making.

In the meantime a portrait of the bliss that is ignorance. Poor kitty won't even know what hit him.