Monday, November 27, 2006

Dear Diary.

The other day I got to go visit my friend Krista in her new beautiful home. It was *so* cool. When I got to Aurora she picked me up at the train station and took me straight to Needles & Knits. I fell in love with this book AND Tova the shop owner. While K and I were hanging out drooling on books Tova helped finish someone's baby blanket and gave yarn to a worthy knitting soul. She is a gently pusher - something I appreciate greatly.

You know sometimes when you go visit a new friend in their home you can never be too sure how it's going to work out on their turf. Sometimes they can be uber tidy or uber grodie. Maybe they are too protective of their offspring so you don't get to toss them around like the sacks of potatoes they are.

Krista and Chris weren't like that. George and I shared my dinner and it was even more delicious than if I'd hoarded it all to myself which, I admit, was tempting. Come on! Even the biggest baby hater couldn't resist those cheeks.

Krista and Chris even let me force the most brilliant and talented Aidan into hard labour on my secret project. He slaved for at least 45 minutes on the project helping me with the coordination and design. He tried to break from the bonds of endentured slavery by counting in Japanese. I love this picture because he looks like a superhero in it. I believe he may be.

Chris was the superhero and put the ninos to bed while Krista and I proceeded to imbibe waaaaaaaay too much wine and "faux" knit. You know...the kind of knitting you do after you've drunk too much wine...

I love getting a glimpse into the window of other couples' lives. Outsiders can never know the true life of a relationship but it's so amazing to be a part of another family if only for a brief moment. It's a luxury that living in Toronto doesn't often afford. I felt flattered and lucky to be invited in for so long.

And a little bit hung over.

I made some funny yo.

So Friday's show went aight. Had a couple of good scenes, listened, yes anded, generally warmed up nicely to the form that is improv.

I even got to do a scene all about my bar in Mexico and the hijinks that I had with my donkey Jose, oh how I miss him.

So fun to be back in the game.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Guess where I am right. now.

I'm at Krista's house.

Knit blogger vs Mommy blogger smack down.

Lots of red wine and knitting will give the deets of the genius donkey jokes that I made last night.

Leslie. I'll always love you.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Dancing like a monkey

I will do and say pretty much anything for a laugh or for just a shnickle of shock value. Rachel H, consider this a lips are coming for a play date with yours at the next SnB.

After close to 25 years of desperately needing affirmation and love from anyone in a 5 foot radius of me talking I realized that maybe I should consider comedy as an outlet. I found another demographic of my people in Toronto's comedy community. So funny, oh my god, the laughter that's available is endless.

My training started at Second City Training Centre and continued at the Bad Dog Theatre. I've taken a 2 year hiatus and am quite scared to go back. You see improv comedy is like a language and unless you use it regularly you'll lose the ability to speak it.

I'm doing a show tonight for the first time in years and have been going over the comedy equivalent of verb conjugations for two days. Needless to say, I'm impressed that I didn't get fired for the constant jokery at the office.

If tonight doesn't make me want to gouge my own eyes out in self-loathing and horror, I'll let y'all know the next show so the knitters can represent yo!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

The risk of spooning

This morning I woke J up 10 seconds before his alarm clock went off by sneezing the biggest snottiest wettest surprise sneeze ever created all over his back because my head weighed too much to turn it away.

J's alarm clock went off playing the EZ Rock version of Jingle! Bells! His fist slammed against the snooze button with the quiet desperation of anyone righteous enough to realize that it's too early, both in the day and the year, to be force fed cheer and goodwill by EZ Rock.

In the quiet darkness a great call rang out of his butt that perfectly phrased his disgust at the hand fate had dealt him. Anyone with half a brain would agree.

Phoot indeed.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Fake accents

Tonight at my 2nd job I got to hear a well off lululemon yogini get caught using a fake british accent. From British to American in less than 3 seconds.

It was a strange moment

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Remember when I bought my Joy? Contrary to the lack of progress reports here on ye ol' hole I've been spinning up a storm. Denny, you were right - it really is as good as all that...must mobius with you next time we play.

My very first shlubby deliciousness is here. I've made my first finished object out of my own handspun. Some Corriedale from Romni and some Merino from Lettuce Knit

Meet the Tuque of 2007. The port o' Squarey.

Round Two was some more Lettuce Merino and it got a litte bit more even. My niddy noddy and I had a minor dispute over this stuff. We're not sure what's to become of the semi singles that have been produced. Am contemplating armwarmers and a scarf. Any suggestions?

I love this yarn because my beautiful niece and nephew helped me spin it over Thanksgiving. It will be forever the wool produced while converting the children.

My goal has been to train for the incoming alpaca - just in time it arrived yesterday. This is my first kick at double plying. I love the way the colours twisted and twirled around each other. I can't wait to start dyeing my own fleece and getting the spinning down to a Denny/Lorraine sort of level...

I have no idea about yardage. I guess I'll have to make friends with my moody moody niddy noddy...

Joy indeed!

By the power of Greyskull

Today I will have my game on. I figure if I do 3 posts for the next 3 days I will be caught up on my "as many posts as days" vendetta.

My theme for today - snot rings that are encrusted around my nostrils reminding me forever about the beauty of our immune systems and bodies. My body is sweating, hacking and dripping out all cold molecules brought to me by my loving family this weekend.

My parents, my sister and her PIC all came to visit this weekend. It was delightful to see Dad who had a "GALA" to attend and man, he cleans up pretty - the belle of the ball one might say. Mom had a ballet and Liz, shots and dirty dancing to attend to at the local meat market bar.

J and I basked in the glory of a packed and love filled home. I had forgotten what nudies my clan are. Folks were getting into their jams in the living room, dining room and once in a while just to shake it up - in the guest room....with the door shut. I didn't really notice it and didn't think anyone else had until J mentioned that we should have opened a nudie farm

When J and I moved in together i would leave a trail of clothes when I came home from work. At first this was a joyous bonus to Jason until the realization thatI could live with the clothes on the floor for months.

This weekend it really struck home that I come by this talent honestly.

Friday, November 17, 2006

So maybe I'll have as many posts as there are days in November

I got home last night at 12:30am. We went to a music event for the Reel Asian Film Festival.
It was great in spite of being at the Drake. The first time I've been to the Drake that I didn't get ditched.

The highlight for me was Goh Nakamura, coulda been the weather and the long days but his lyrics and guitar skills made my week. It hit the sweet spot dontcha know. I am Robot And Proud hit the stage next and while I wasn't prepped for the synth pop action it would have been more digestible in the summer on a party hard sort of night.

All said it was a great night, my friend Nelson organized the event and he was stellar. The funny came when about 3 Asian photographers came by to take our table's pictures - we were the token honkeys at the party and like the squirrels at Niagara on the Lake, we were picture worthy.

We gave our best Holleywood laughs and two stepped the night away.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

You beat me this time...

nablopomo but screw you. I have a life AND I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE!!

I was on conference all day yesterday and went out for a couple of beers afterwards. It was great - I got to meet some programmers that have done work for me, which is always a pleasure.

Hopefully, adventure and hijinks will ensue!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Must. Not. the meme

Today was a bland boring day. The only thing of note that was achieved was the recruiting of a teenage convert in my Biology class.

See I knit through the class - the teacher gives us handouts and then proceeds to read them verbatim for the next 3 hours. Thank god I have knitting because otherwise I would go postal sitting on a chemistry stool for 3 hours. I don't know how the other students do it.

On the break one of the girls came over with a set of Susan Bates needles and some Red Heart and told me that she knew how to knit but forgot how to cast on. I showed her the cable cast on and she was off to the races clicking away. The teacher looked a bit wary when he came back from break. Two knitters are better than one. I'm pretty sure he was afraid of the imminent revolution which, of course, will not be televised.

The most enjoyable part is watching her teen eyes go from dead/wary to warm and sincere - man, it is one of the nicest things to see.

I'm on IT conference all day tomorrow so I'm pretty sure I'll have a ton of nerdy delight to share

Monday, November 13, 2006

Fast food blogging.

This posting everyday business makes me feel like I'm producing fast food writing. It satisfies for the moment but it doesn't really stick or provide any nutritional substance.

I went out for a marathon brunch and window shopping excursion with my friend Stasha. Crappy brunch delightful window shopping. Anyway she and I used to smoke like chimneys back in the early days then when she quit she would smoke illicit ciggies with me and now that I've quit we smoke illicits with each other once every three or four months.

Until Sunday when she turned to me and said that she would never smoke again because she felt it was disgusting that you could see what was inside someone's lungs. For example, the next time you're walking down the street or having a smoke with someone consider for a moment that the air you're breathing that smells like cigarettes was actually in that strangers lungs.

You would never exchange greetings and yet all of a sudden you're sharing the same gross smelling breath.

Disgusting. Witness the death of my illicit cigarette smoking habit.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I woke up today knowing less than I do now....about sheep

So I did a whole lot a learnin' today at the Royal Winter Fair with Denny, Laura and Mel. For instance, Mel taught me that this boy is not in fact a Rasta Sheep but a Lincoln. I feel his kind may be the most chill of all sheep. How could they not be. Their fleece is very dense and uber curly.
Before the fleece goes up for auction you can submit it to competition. It gets judge on all sorts of stuff - the vocabulary escapes me right now but doesn't it look delicious? Well, it's not - it's quite nasty and I highly recommend you get your filthy paws off of it because I'm about to blow my wad buying it.

For instance, this 9 lb bag of prize winning Corriedale from Carol Trotter. Back off bitches that stinky lanoliny fibre is mine.

Denny and I went in together to bid on just over a pound of Iclandic Ewe fleece. Ah que c'est Belle! The tag you see attached was for my Corriedale....

I met Sabine from Lindenhof Mills - As did all the other bidders...witness the joy of bringing a truck to the Tdot. This was about 6 spinners worth of wool - probably over 50 lbs of raw unadulterated uncensored fleece yo.

Before the feeding frenzy, I got to watch the Sheep to Shawl competition for awhile and caught a glimpse of this spinner performing a rare ritual...wheel spinning. I've never seen Lorraine use a wheel - it was quite the sight to behold. Never mind the 40 some spinners and the 7 weavers all working their brains off to create most beautiful shawls.I finished some stuff. Socks. Pretty boring I know but these socks set me free as they are promised socks and now they are done I'm free as a bird. And thusly started three new projects in a fit of excitement. They are Regia and Kroy standard traditional very acceptable but boring socks.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Just in the knick of time.

I was watching Saturday Night Live tonight and Amy Poehler delivered the line "Panty Crickets" in reference to Britney Spears picking them up from KFed.

Made. My. Night.

Other lines from this weekend:

Summer Tent Sale: In reference to the binge of sexual freedom that summertime brings. Good times for all.

Rectal Cavity of Llamas: They're apparently quite huge according to Maggie, the vet student. Who knew?

I'm off to the Royal Winter Fair tomorrow morning. I'll update this post with appropriate links tomorrow.

Friday, November 10, 2006

They make it look so fucking fun.

I went out with two girlfriends at lunch - Odd Job Sally and friend VegHead. Veghead is newly single and OddJobSally has a wicked fun addiction to the thrills, chills and spills of speed dating.

Her philosophy: "The whole goal of speed dating is to make your registration fee back in free dinners, drinks and coffee. "

I've done the speed dating thing before and she is totally right. It's whipped cream on the top of your bailey's and coffee if you meet someone that doesn't make your eyebrows want to crawl to the back of your head in horror.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


Last night I biked home (ON MY NEW BIKE) after shopping at Whole Foods (DELIGHTFUL) and settled in for an evening of spinning, knitting and CSI. I should say I was doing this in direct opposition to studying for another crummy high school biology test.

I was very excited as I had just come to the logical conclusion that since I got high 80% the first time I took this course (12 years ago) I really didn't care about "grades" and "tests" this time around. Thus allowing for more spinning time.

My bloody sister calls and says this: But isn't this class going to be the foundation of all your midwifery biology classes?

THANKS A LOT ASSHAT. I tried to fight the logic and even got a bit bitchy on her ass on the phone but the truth of the matter is that I can't fight that logic. Dammit.

No spinning, no knitting, no tv and some dubious studying because I'd waited til the last minute to start and of course I'm not drinking coffee.

I'm going to be obnoxiously mediocre on this test and the worst part is that I care. It's so much easier to not do as well as you know you could if you don't care. If I don't have another test on Tuesday next week maybe you'll see some finished projects tomorrow.... Dare to dream.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Pomposity of the Ass Variety

I realized as I reread yesterdays post that I came off like quite the pompous ass. Consider it part of my charm and the brown rice cleanse diet that I'm enjoying.

Day Three: Three issues have come to the foreground - my fartiness (a delight to my coworkers), the sheen of sweat upon my milky brow and my complete lack of humour/patience.

I feel that yesterday's rant post was due in part to the lack of patience.

Lots of knitting and spinning content - the spinning. Oh how I love it.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The only kind of whine I'm good for the is the red kind

Thanks for all the comments on the meatless "clean" Jen! She'll be here for another 12 days tops - I'm way more fun a martini really.


Whiners beware. I'm a solution provider so when you whine to me about life hardships I will only suggest options to resolve these hardships (unless they are clinical or biological and then I will suggest a professional). It's kind of the way I'm programmed. Which means if you're looking for someone to attend your pity party - I'm not your gal.

The problem is I know folks who are faced with the challenge of getting out of bed and then facing their day. This is almost insurmountable and yet they do it in a way that makes that bitch of a day quake in fear.

I'm cool with empathy and sympathy but if your situation is changeable and you have some power to manage it (ie: dump the asshole, talk to your manager, eat healthier) and you don't...I am not the ears you need for the job. Not only will I reject the invitation to your pity party but if I pretended to accept it I would be the obnoxious uncle monopolizing the punch bowl...I will annoy you to no end.

The reason for this post is that my mom had a rough rough day a few days ago. She almost never has these rough days and I think they shake her up for a couple of days. My mom is such a tough love loving kind of woman that we forget that she needs the kid gloves like the rest of us, and she forgets how to say it. I reserve my soft love for these moments.

It really puts perspective around boyfrend troubles, job troubles and having no time to go drinking sort of troubles. The rest of the gossip mongers at work and whiners in the world can go suck an egg.

Monday, November 06, 2006

No meat, no wheat, no dairy, no sugar

I'm doing the brown rice cleanse diet on the recommendation of my naturopath.

Day One: Surprisingly, I have no headache due to lack of coffee. Am wondering if maybe I ingested some accidentally - have been racking my brain to remember any blackouts.

Was not the bright and shining star that I usually am on Monday mornings.

Am not the bright and shining star that I usually am on Monday night. Will keep you posted on my progress by the end of tomorrow night after my Biology class. Gerk.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Halloween: The gift that keeps on giving.

My street was filled with these on Friday morning. Dozens of jack o' lanterns crammed into the organic waste bins. This guy looked like if he had a voice he'd be hollering about how lucky we all are that he doesn't have arms.

This is a picture of the moon through a tree in my sister's back yard. Jason took this picture just after getting a tour of her 100 year old spooky cistern. I didn't show her this pic because who needs to be creeped out in their brand new home?

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Back Pedalling

Disclaimer: I didn't have access to a pooter or the interweb yesterday so I wrote this post and will be back posting it. Yes, I'm cheating and yes you love me for the cheating whore I am.

J and I went to see my sister this weekend. She recently moved to Brockville to take a job promotion. Charlotte is 15 months younger than me and I spend a lot of time worrying about her for no good reason. I am unashamed of my over-protectiveness and will fucking cut you if you say anything bad about her.

Charlotte took us on a tour of her world - that of science and engineering. J and I didn't quite fit in but we had a ton of fun goofing around.

It's always wild and exciting to see a friend or family member in a professional capacity. It is a side of folks in our lives that we almost never see and yet assume to understand. Where we work with cubicle walls and computers, she works with enormous industrial machines that are called things like chompers, grinders, conveyors and (to my delight) expellers. You don't want to know what gets made in these machines.

She is the first woman in the position of project coordinator at this plant and as such, is spectacular.
There aren't that many people that look this great wearing daddypants. I just hope that she doesn't get judged for her older sisters' behaviour while we were on site. I thought hairnets were for heads after all.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Joy of Hooky Nooky

Today J and I played hooky from work. We've had a really crazy busy month and we just wanted a day to have afternoon sex (hooky nooky) and brunch. Maybe watch another halloweeny movie.

The other thing on my list of things to do (after Jason) was to start Christmas shopping. Get the kids' gifts. I feel that while gifts for friends and family are important they aren't as important as gifts for the kids. How else am I going to maintain my position as World's Greatest Aunt if not by spoiling them rotten?

We went off to the chiropractor, got cracked, enjoyed breakfast nachos (huevos rancheros) and went to the toy store. Man, I love the Toy Shoppe. We managed to get something for all the kids and since we belong to the ROM we got a discount yo!

Christmas 2006 - The year we didn't go bankrupt because we spread the shopping out. Do I dare dream? Well no, I daren't and here's why. We got all warmed up with money spending so that when we walked into the bike store with the 30% off sale we were totally primed for blowing my wad on a bike.

It was a fiscal bloodbath. What I never remember is that the bike is actually only the beginning - then you need the uber lock, the bell, the helmut, the fender and the basket rack - by the time it was over I was dizzy and somewhat nauseous. It cost about as much as Stella when all was said and done.

My last two bikes have gotten lifted by bike thieves so I will be protecting this baby like a mother bear protects her cub. Roar!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Dia de los Muertos


When J and I started dating part of my total fascination with him was his introvertedness. Man, I love to a fault breaking down folks' personal barriers.

We've been together going on four years and I should have realized years ago that Halloween would be his festival of choice. Me? I'm pretty lazy and out there by nature so I've never gotten into the spirit. As a result we've hung at home and given out candy....until this year

The professional grade celebration of Halloween has been squarely in the domain of our friends Mario and Luigi for years.

They had invited us to their annual debauche party. It was the same night as the all day wool crawl known as the TTC Knit A Long so I wasn't sure I'd have the get up and go to get my groove on.

Jason was unusually persistant about the whole deal and had actually picked up costumes and make up. When J is persistant about something I have to give it my all because there is really very few things that he gets up in my grill about. One Hunka Cheese later and the game was afoot.

As he put on my makeup and splattered blood on my skirts, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas and I fell in love all over again.

Who knew that zombie grooms loved Chardonnay so much and their ladylike brides,,Tequila.

Happy Halloween my pretties!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

and Bacchus was afraid.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away I had the good luck to find two very different women to live with in Montreal.

One of these women could not be further away from me on the personality scale. As much as I was an obnoxious, farting, bi-curious, debaucherous beast that Bacchus would deplore, my friend Marta was the ethereal, contemplative, cosmopoliton, spiritual, meditative opposite.

What is truly amazing is that not only did all three of us remain friends throughout the 2 years we lived together but that we remain friends long into finding lives outside of university. Marta now lives in Poland and is doing her Ph.D on (I could be getting this not quite right) migrant workers in Poland and Ukraine (and the world actually).

Even though Marta has lived in Europe since we all graduated we've kept in touch and she's even made the trip back to visit (thank god she has family in BC) a couple of times.

Lots has changed in all of our lives since the days of McGill and yet in the two times Marta has visited in 9 years she has gained enough of a sense of who I am today to send me this out of the blue.

In case you can't see the ball bands - It's angora and llama/alpaca blend FROM POLAND AND UKRAINE!

The cutest postcard I've ever seen reads along the lines of: I found this soft wool in the Ukraine when I was on a trip and this other soft stuff in Poland...I hope you can find something to make with these colours. (am already into a project)

That this woman could stand me enough to share rent in university is one thing. But that Marta thought of sending me wool...just cause she saw it in the Ukraine and Poland makes me glow with the blush of a well loved friend.

Not only did the brilliant Marta send me wool but this package came just in the nick of time. I was trapped in a cotton washcloth vortex that would have had the house covered in another week thus smothering my cat and my Manboy.