Take it when you can.

This weekend marked the end of a 10 day sprint where priorities and deadlines converged in an intense black hole.  Every working parent has experienced it some folks really excel at this level of pressure but I lose myself in it. 

 

Friday night ended with an enormous Spring storm and it was all done. We had a 71 km training ride on Saturday morning and then on Sunday....I spent the day with my girls and my partner in crime. 

 

My girls and I walked around our neighbourhood so Fenner could show me the dragons starting to hatch. 

It is one of the many things we love to track during the Spring. The corner garden where the dragons lay their eggs.  It started as a story and game to try and get F to walk a bit quicker to school - to chase the 'Rainbow Dragon' down the street past it's nest.

The story has stuck and the garden remains one of the most beautiful Spring gardens in the neighbourhood.

We were in no rush. We blew dandelions, balanced on walls. Chatted with neighbours I haven't seen in weeks and enjoyed the post storm air.

J enjoyed a sleep in and prepped a picnic lunch for our trip to the Circus Festival at the Harbourfront.  It was Fenner's first long ride on the trail a bike through the downtown core and it went off like a dream. She's a pro.

Marlowe tried to run away with the Circus.

J and I clowned around.

It was just such a perfect day. Ending with pizza dinner and a cold beer at The Rail Garden where our radishes and pumpkins are making an appearance.

 

It was slow, deliberate and focussed with no split focus or competing priorities.  Perfection followed by a bike and brunch trip to Oakville on Monday morning with two of my favourite people.

 

I'd never explored the Waterfront Trail that far west. At one point, a wrong turn took us along about 3 km of a walking path through the Rattray Marsh.

I do love a good wetlands and the scenery made it easy to reposition the momentary irritation at walking instead of riding through.  When all was said and done Steph and I had clocked over 200 km in training rides from Friday to Monday. A third of what we'll be riding when we go to Montreal this summer for the bike rally.

Its a gorgeous trail and I look forward to doing it with the whole family one day. 

What exactly is the success metric for a Mom?

I come from great Maternal stock, true story. I just wish I could have understood this when I was still a kid - before proverbially tearing a piece of my Mom's heart out and eating it as a teenager.  

My Mum grew up in an era of feminism that was filled with conflicted ideals of what being a woman could or should be.  The idea that women should have a right to choose their own paths was  the message but the undertone, like a current,  that could carry women away was there was still a 'right' choice to make.

Graduate of the Florence Nightingale School of Nursing

I remember Mom saying to me that she was so relieved my older brother was a boy because she still hadn't figured out what kind of woman she wanted to be at that point - never mind what kind of woman she wanted to model for her daughters. At the time I was mortified at her institutionalized patriarchal view of womanhood...ah youth so simple.

I revisit that statement again and again wondering if there is ever a single concrete model that I want to commit to, so thankful that she lives such a broad life.

The night my brother was likely conceived - GROSS ME OUT MOM!

As I start to walk the path tread by herself, and so many Mothers before her I start to think that it is limitless - the capacity to stay up all night, to parent in ways so children know from early on that their voices can be heard, to keep little people alive even though they have suddenly become food racists (really, that toast is too dark?  REALLY??)

 She patiently listens to me talk out possible solutions to M's temper tantrums and supports me as I try on different parenting techniques - I can barely hear the sound of her eyes roll as I wonder out loud, "How can I foster M's strong will and voice without selling her on the black market?"


At some point in the past 15 years, I started thinking her capacity to continue speaking with her over-confident, know-it-all children was destructively limitless. Maybe she asked herself during those long tedious conversations, "How can I foster strong will and voice without selling her on the black market or throwing myself off a bridge?"

On top of survival, trying to pour the concrete foundation of a healthy definition of food, natural curiosity, empathy and adventure. It all seems a bit much doesn't it?

It all comes so clear now...

 I found this picture of our old family tent that housed all SIX OF US on more than one camping trip.  According to the back of the picture, we were camping at Woss Lake in 1980.  Here's what the website says about Woss Lake: 

"This rugged, undeveloped wilderness park is located on northern Vancouver Island, south of the community of Woss and north of Zeballos.

One of the most pristine wilderness parks on the Island, the landscape includes the southern portion of Woss Lake, as well as very steep forested slopes above the lake and the permanent snowfields and north facing slopes of Rugged Mountain, part of the Haihte Range."

That tent doesn't look so big now does it?

This means that my Mother was camping with 3 children and 1 new born baby sometime in the first 6 months of that baby's life in a place that had PERMANENT SNOWFIELDS.  Like a flash of lightening, it all becomes so clear.

I bet Jason wishes he'd known about my foundation before getting locked down.

Jason's thinking "Really, not Disney World?  REALLY?"

I suspect now that being the wife of a nomadic metallurgist in Canada and Mother to four of his children, might have made it hard to set down all the roots and build the community that keeps Mothers safe, but somehow in all 6 isolated towns we lived in I remember kitchens full of people. Morning coffee dates at our kitchen table, Christmas gift wrapping parties and camping trips.

Even during an election year she found the time for 'discussions' about acceptable public behaviour, birth control and safe party conduct, damn it.

When these are the building blocks I have to use for my own parenting career, it's hard to believe that failure is a possibility. That we could do the best job with the best materials given to me by great Mothers and still the little beasts could grow to be sociopathic monsters.

I can't help but think she must be so relieved that no matter what happens from here on in, she got four right thinking, mostly balanced adults on the road.

Jeez, the expectations on this job of impossible.

The Perfect Pick Me Up



It has been what I would call "A Week." over here.  Starting on a high note and ending with some challenging news.

 

A week ago today though, we were preparing the first Rail Garden Community Dinner of the year.  These community dinners started as a way for four neighbours to generate a little bit of start up income and a whole lot of community interest, for a community garden.  

 

 



We were four people who had different experiences galvanizing groups of people in different ways but very little experience feeding lots of people or actually building community space.  It has been a wild ride.

 

Since that first dinner we have gained new committee members (three!) and lost one of our original founders. We've learned how to beg, borrow and steal the equipment that we need from Churches, Neighbours, Donors and Businesses.

We have learned how to ask for volunteer help and how to use the volunteers effectively on the day of the event.  What once took 4 of us 6 hours, 3 wagons and 1 bike chariot now takes us 3 hours with double our numbers in volunteers.

Our neighbourhood not only has told us they love these family dinners but they really made it so easy this time around.  We asked for pot luck desserts and they delivered not just some desserts but beautiful home made show pieces.

Thank heavens the desserts were so epic, otherwise the adorable among us might have been at risk.

It is a beautiful thing, in the heart of an urban landscape, to have a place that whole families can congregate and eat together.  Where our smalls can run amok and do what they do best without risk of offending other diners.

This particular dinner was different from all the rest for a number of reasons.  The work preparing for it was spread among so many hands that it has never been so seamless to feed 130 of our friends.  We invited everyone to bring their own wine or beer so we could all enjoy a drink together.

 

It was just a perfect night. The food delicious, the company divine and the atmosphere fun and casual. Everything that we want when we host dinner parties. 

The satisfaction of hosting successful dinner parties is not something I ever really understood. Working with this group of people over the past year has changed the way I eat with the people in my life - my immediate family, my urban family, my neighbours, the people who cross my path, colleagues and friends.

It's becoming my favourite way of making time to see old friends.  Let's eat!

One down, two more to go.

 

Part of getting ready for the Bike Rally has included practicing using clipless pedals. This preparation has included coming to terms with the expectation that I will eventually tip over like a cow surrounded by College kids in middle America. The few local rides I've been on had given me the impression that I might skip the cow tipping experience.  More experienced riders have told me to expect to fall three times - once by myself, once with some people and once in a super embarrassing context (really?! aren't they all?)

But alas, it would seem I needed to be riding WITH people to enjoy the wipe out. Today, I went for my first official Bike Rally bike event today.  It involved a short 'Biking 101' session that covered; riding habits, what to expect on the road, and some pace recommendations.  Most importantly for me - proper etiquette for riding with large numbers of cyclists. 

 It was pretty helpful and I thought my bike and I were getting on famously.

After the workshop we went for a short training ride along the Waterfront - the City of Toronto did some high quality flirting with us. 

 

On the way back I relaxed a little too much and lost my head at an intersection - stopped my bike (obeying traffic signals) and promptly tipped over. Victor, my coach was pretty happy I remembered not to break my fall with my hands (high risk of breakage) but slammed my head against a rock on the ground. 

Thanks to my helmet, it was my dignity spilling all over the sidewalk instead of my brains.

 

No matter how undignified the fall was, this adventure is my choice. The PWA Foundation of Toronto advocates on behalf of people living with HIV/AIDS so that they can choose their own adventure in spite of the marginalization that comes with this disease.

Supporting rallies like this help PWA continue to run programming that supports and advocates for folks from all walks of life living with HIV/AIDS.

 

 If you haven't already, please consider a small donation to help them continue their important work.

Working in a Virtual World

You might know that I'm a list junkie. It is the way I keep myself anchored to the day. I would go permanently feral in hours without some sort of goal oriented structure. 

My new job is a work from home, you're the boss, kind of job.  The kind that has great flexibility to make tea and do some knitting as needed.

Writers, stay at home Moms and other remote workers will know this, but working from home can be a short cut to becoming a morbidly obese  and depressed shut in. I've been down this road so my first few items on my to do list involve self care.

I am a terrible employee and Mother if I don't take care of my basic needs first. I am not always able to nail all the items but as long as I'm aiming for it I might stay sane.

1. Eight Servings of raw fruit and veg per day
2. Two litres of water per day
3. Two Sun Salutations every hour, quick walk every hour or a bigger ride in the midday.
4. Regular social engagements in the week.
5. Exercise my passions when possible. Community work, reading, knitting, parenting, cooking.

6. Be outside when possible.
7. Be in the moment working, playing or chilling. If I'm in the moment then I am using my time effectively, getting my paid work done and getting my personal work done. Social networking is pretty much the enemy of this.

If I can follow these rules I can manage to keep my work day from leaking into my home life. Once they're established then the real fun of working in a virtual office comes into play.  A ride to the Riverdale Farmer's Market on Tuesday afternoons becomes a great way to step away from the work at hand.

This summer is going to be especially exciting as I can take my breaks at our awesome neighbourhood garden. To see how our young garlic shoots are doing. Or even better.

Work from my cottage.

 

It's the first time I've said it and given that my team spans the country with all different hours of operation. There is no real reason my physical location should impact my professional life.

 

Unless I don't follow my rules...right?  Do you think it could ruin the cottage that I get up early and put in most of a full work day by noon take a break on the dock or going for a ride through the Georgian Bay Roads...and finish the day off in time for a swim to Echo Rock.

 

Not to shabby I don't think.

Unexpected Spring Vacation

Recently I decided to take a new job with a young consulting firm - it meant that my time at my previous job ended early and I found myself with an unexpected 2 week vacation.

Those who know me, know that the idea of lots of time with no structure or scheduled activities gives me total vertigo.  Jason said it best the evening I found out (Wednesday) when he said, "You either need to make some plans immediately or plan a trip - I don't think you can be in this house as amped up as you are right now."

Luckily for him, I am a chronic planner and so by Sunday I had started making plans. I couldn't give up the mornings with my girls and our good friend Grace who spends her days with us. I just love them all.  But in the afternoon when Jason and Marlowe need recovery time - I made sure I was out of the way.

I knit on the TTC on my way to girlie weekday brunches and lunches.

I talked on the phone for hours to my good friends who work from home but with whom I hadn't had a proper long chat since I'd gone back to work. It is a favourite activity to yak on the phone for hours while I cook the surplus from our Good Food Boxes.

Jason and I went out to a local restaurant for a romantic dinner.



 

Attended an awesome lecture and workshop on the impact of HIV/AIDS on pregnant women at Ryerson University. Jay McGuillvray, an experienced midwife and HIV/AIDS advocate, runs a Positive Pregnancy program out of St. Mike's Hospital. You may know that I am participating in the 2013 Friends for Life Bike Rally.

If you were wondering why, this is it - the four big reasons that women are the demographic that is contracting HIV faster than any other group in Canada. I want my daughters to have information and resources available to them.

I got to do Easter Geode science experiments with my Ladies! Without having to rush out!! Can you say "Potassium Aluminum Sulfate"?

 

Watching the snow fall from the inside, while nesting with my baby, no rush to go anywhere, drinking tea and chilling out.

We wrote letters to our friends in far off places.

and got to participate in a Maple Syrup Festival. ON A WEEKDAY. Which meant we missed the masses of people who try and cram it in on the weekend.  How can we not have fun together with space, time and the ability to participate with the process of making syrup?!

Walking to the Riverdale Farm as though being outside might keep it from snowing some more...it didn't work but the fresh air felt great.

I'm just so lucky and thankful that I got to spend these days with my girls getting ready for major life change.  Also, so lucky that I love hanging with them as much as I do. 

I got to eat with my friends, sleep in when needed, let Jason have naps and drink delicious glasses of wine in the sun on the porch with my neighbours (before it snowed).  It was a perfect local vacation.

Perfect.